You Want Her Whole

You want her whole.
Trust me.
For when she finds her muchness;
when she gathers all the pieces of herself,
all the pieces you have broken,
it will be too late.
She wont just leave.
She will trample every inch of you on the way out,
Every unkind word you spoke,
every stinging touch
will fuel her wrath.
You want her whole,
for the chaos of her brokenness will make hurricanes seem like a lazy Saturday rain and tornados a gentle breeze.
You want her whole because with her beside you the world is yours for the taking,
and with her beneath the very earth will quake with her tears.
You want her whole because no matter how broken she becomes, eventually those pieces will call to one another
and pull close,
becoming heavier than your angry hands
and bigger than your worth.
You want her whole because her broken pieces will shred your frailty.
You want her whole because anything less is the swift ruin of you.


 -Jessica Lynn Freeman

Me in the Charlotte Observer

Me in the Charlotte Observer

Were They a Christian and Other Things You Ought Not Ask Grieving People

My Christian friends,

I need to say something, and I pray that you can hear me. If for no other reason than I am in all ways exhausted, I ask that you not comment and will be deleting the comments of anyone who does, regardless of what is said. This isn't one of those times where I'm up for a hearty debate. I'm just not.

For whatever reason, it appears that, over and over again, I get put into a position to be a voice on painful situations. I don't have the gift of ignoring or not caring, though to be quite honest, on most days, I curse that fact. I'm exhausted of testimonies and the awful situations I have survived that have created them, but that is a post for another day.

Back to the topic at hand.

My Christian friends, I know that your faith is important (It's important to me too). I know that you find comfort in believing that you will see your loved ones some day in heaven, that they followed all the steps, and did all the things to get in.

But, please, for the love of all that is holy, when you hear that someone has died, please stop asking their friends and loved ones if they were a Christian or if they had Jesus in their heart.

I get the intent, but, what if the answer is, "No?" Or, "I don't know?" What is the follow up to that?

Take a moment and think about what you have just done to that grieving friend or family member. You have, at a minimum, in what is a heart wrenching time of their life,  made their burden heavier. Please stop.

The reality is, even if you were this person's very best friend, no one knows the heart of another person fully, and really, it isn't your job to. I can point you to all kinds of scripture about this, but I'm tired and honestly, if you are a Christian, you know it, or should know it anyway.

There are lots of comforting things to say to someone who is grieving the loss of someone they love. Please choose something else.

Tyler Perry's Trees Analogy

The following is a quote from Tyler Perry's Movie and stage play, Madea Goes to Jail


"I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they're over there... wind blow that way they over here... they're unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they're gone. That's alright. Most people are like that, they're not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at people like that, that's who they are. That's all they were put on this earth to be. A leaf. 

Some people are like a branch on that tree. You have to be careful with those branches too, cause they'll fool you. They'll make you think they're a good friend and they're real strong but the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and leave you high and dry. 

But if you find 2 or 3 people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren't going nowhere. They aren't worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don't have to know what they're doing for you but if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live. 

A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it... just let it go. Let folks go."