I'm tired.
I have a lot of people reminding me of who God is. And I guess I know what they are saying is true.
A God of Miracles. A God who can work wonders. A God who brings all things together for my good.
Ok.
But I'm tired.
Is the miracle that I'm physically present? What kind of miracle is that? Is surviving and living in almost constant aching miraculous? It doesn't feel that way. It feels like torture. I've always been able to swing things back around, find the good. But lately I can't.
Recently, I mentioned in an explication on Naaman's healing that one of the characters who had actual power in the story was the Israelite slave girl, since she knew who Naaman could contact for healing. Still, there is no mention that she was rewarded for her knowledge - for all we know, she just remained a slave.
ReplyDeleteNo one doubts Paul significantly helped to shape the early Church and, therefore, all of Christianity. Still, Paul died a horrific death as a martyr, and, from the very beginning, God promised that "I myself will show [Paul] how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.”
Even Jesus came to suffer. He suffered emotionally through betrayal on many fronts (when his family came to get him because they thought he was crazy, when Judas sold him for a handful of silver, when every follower ran away and left him to face trial and execution alone). He also, of course, suffered physically when he was crucified.
I don't know why suffering is so prevalent, when God is a God of miracles and wonders. I do know that God didn't promise we'd not suffer - in fact, at every turn, there's the expectation that we will. But what God did promise is that God would be with us at every step, that God suffers with us as we suffer. I don't understand any of it - but I do take comfort from it, even while I rail at God for my suffering: God is there to rail at, and suffers with me.
Don't worry about swinging things back around or finding the good; you are suffering and tired and you are fully allowed to be angry and exhausted and to rail at God. I love you.
Thank you Jude, I love you too.
DeleteWhats tough now is how the systematic appearance to life is not changed. Do you know what I’m saying? It’s nearly as if we run through the life experience with our eyes closed on, not understanding the true meaning of our own destiny. get redirected here
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ReplyDelete